The ‘Eff’ Word You Need To Build Relationships

I got a ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ GIF from a friend on my phone on Sunday and I was a little annoyed.

I wasn’t annoyed at my friend. Or the message.

What I was agitated about was that this was a message that was clearly sent to her whole list of friends.

It wasn’t personalised. It wasn’t just for me.

Am I being a little picky? A little judgy?

Maybe.

But to me, it’s just noise.

It is too easy to flick off a message to anyone today. It reduces the meaning.

And I don’t think I’m alone in thinking like this.

I was at a workshop last week and we were talking about creating meaningful digital experiences that help people share, preserve and connect through personal stories that matter to them.

We were asked to consider how we like to hear from our loved ones if we are not able to meet face to face.

What surprised me was that 50% of our group – ranging from 20 to 75 years old – was that the good old handwritten note was the winner!

When asked about why this was better than a voice message, or sending a video or a text, they said that it showed they had put in effort. They also had the gift of their handwriting and the resonance that contains. But mostly, it was about the person going out of their way to take the time to sit down and write.

The impact of effort on building and sustaining relationships is supported in research.

You can find some of this goodness from the research in the book, Together, by Vivek H. Murphy. He notes that,

“Tech might make us feel less isolated, but the more of these easier connections we substitute for hard won friendships, the lonelier we feel”.

That really resonated with me, and is likely the reason I felt narky about my friends Mother’s Day message. I didn’t feel special. On the contrary, it probably made me feel a little lonelier because I could feel what I was missing – effort. Effort to think of just me.

Back to the workshop where we exploring meaningful digital experiences. One of the topics we considered was “What does love mean to you?”

It might take a little effort – but I encourage you to set aside a few moments to pull out your CCS Cards and hand a pack to your partner or friend and ask them this topic: “Go through your pack and find some cards that show what love means to you.” I can guarantee you’ll have a conversation that nourishes you, builds meaningful connection, and helps sustain the relationship. It might also give you some ideas as to what that person needs to make them feel more loved – then you’ll know where to direct your effort.